American Haku
by Me-la Kenzu Chan
Summary: 7th Chappie! Haku and Zabuza have a mission in American. However, when they reach their destination, Haku goes through odd changes.
1. Arrival

Okay, to be absolutely honest, when I first heard it, I totally HATED the idea of Haku being a girl.....I still kinda do (I just love gender confusion!). One of the many reasons Haku's still one of my top three favorite Naruto characters (Top Three: Haku, Hinata, Gaara) is because he's a boy....but.....(as always, there's a but) I had this funny dream.... Welllll..... you'll see, if the title didn't already tell ya...I'm going to tease the dubbingness of America.

Okay, enough about my personal rantings, time for story and disclaimer! One last important note though, I'm not sure where to place this...it's not a sequel of anything...but Haku and Zabuza have already been lovers for a while when this story begins. Oh...and it's held in the present (not that I know what time zone Naruto is actually in...I already thought it was the the clothing and corporations, and all...ya know what...forget the time zone thing, I don't know! Just go with the flow.)

Disclaimer: nope nope, I do not own Naruto.

* * *

"A mission in America?...where's that Zabuza-san?,"

"...You never heard of America?"

"Iie... Zabuza-san."

Zabuza sighed as he packed more essentials. As smart as Haku is, he can sure be clueless sometimes.

"America is a country in the Western Hemisphere."

"You know what Haku?"

"Hai Zabuza-san?"

"Forget it."

"....hai...Zabuza-san."

Last week, they had received a mission. An undercover one. They were to go to America and monitor the surroundings. It had something to do with territory... it didn't matter to him, as long as he got paid.

It'll be very simple, the only thing they had to do was live there a while. Very simple. The only thing that had taken a week was finding a way to get there. Getting tickets for an airplane wasn't all that hard, by the end of this evening, they would be sitting in America.

"Zabuza-san?" The boy had disturbed his packing again.

"What is it Haku?!"

".....what's an airplane?"

Zabuza face faulted. "HAKU!!"

"Nani Zabuza-san?"

"Just Sit There And Be Quiet!"

"........................gomen nasai...Zabuza-san." Haku quietly left the room.

'Great!' Zabuza thought, 'I made him think he was a nuisance again.'

Zabuza quickly finished his packing and went to drag Haku back into the room and "reassure" him that he was very wanted.

* * *

Of course, being undercover meant looking casual. Thank God Haku was there, because Zabuza would've gone there in his usual clothes (A/N: ya know, those UGLY pants of his). Haku, himself wore and simple gray sweat shirt with red linings and a hood (that he didn't wear, he kept his hair down), and black shorts. He had Zabuza where a black shirt under a jean jacket and jean pants. Haku had to practically fight Zabuza so that he'd take off the bandages. As anyone should be with such an improvement, Haku was very pleased, though Zabuza was extremely uncomfortable.

During the beginning of the airplane ride, Haku grasped the arm rest so hard, he shattered it. Zabuza didn't know how to calm the boy, and suggested for him to look at the view out the window. Haku looked out. Haku saw how high they were. Haku fainted.

Later on, after gaining his consciousness, Haku simply decided he'd pretend they were on the ground. That did not work, since the pilot decided to announce everything about their location every five minutes. Zabuza had never seen anyone get as pale as Haku was except in death.

Near the end of the hellish flight, as they were nearing American soil, Haku had to use the restroom... and stayed in there for the rest of the flight. Even when they landed, Haku still hadn't come out.

Zabuza went in there and got him, telling his student,

"I'll get you some medicine later, come on!"

"...Yes Zabuza sir..."

"What?," Zabuza turned around, "What did you just call me?"

"Zabuza sir.."

"Let's just go."

"Yes Zabuza sir."

* * *

They reached the apartment of the area they were supposed to stay at. It seemed to be a slum, but the apartment very all right. During the whole time, Haku gripped his stomach, and tried not to let Zabuza see how much pain he was in; of course, Zabuza already knew, but he was experienced enough to know that if he acknowledged that, Haku would feel weak and worthless.

Once inside, Haku went straight to the rest room after apologizing to Zabuza about not being able to help unpack. Zabuza easily place this and that where they needed to be. He didn't really become concerned with Haku's condition until he noticed that he had been in there for five hours.

He walked to the bath room door in just enough time to hear a

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!"

Zabuza quickly opened the door to see Haku scared out of his mind.

"What is it! Did you see something!! What's wrong!!"

"Za-za-zabu-za-za s-sir.." Haku was trembling.

"What?! What is it."

"Why...why am I bleeding.."

Zabuza looked down and his eyes widen,

"Haku?....I'm pretty sure...you're a boy...right?"

Haku hands covered his face,

"I d-don't know wh-what happened Zabuza sir.."

"Where's...your...your....."

"My manhood...it's been gone s-since I've g-gotten to America..."

"Oh My God..."

"I....I don't know....Why am I bleeding.."

"Haku.....you're having a...monthly..."

* * *

Surprise surprise! For those who don't know what a monthly is...you must not be a girl...maybe you know it as a period.... Whatever, this ain't biology class, I'm not going to explain. Leave me a review and tell me what you thought....I'm not very confident with the way I wrote it, so please tell me what you thought...I might continue it if you liked it...but I'm not sure if it will stay PG-13...

Dubbingness is my word for cruel/crappy/or just sickly wrong dubbing.

I tried to make Haku use a lot of Japanese at the beginning so you could see a difference in the way he talks once "she" reached America.


	2. Full Female

Hmmm...driving lessons Sakaba? Sounds like something I can screw with ! More funnies are coming up...though you may find them rather....random. I didn't really think I'd continue this, I meant for it to be a one-shot...but hey, if you people like it, OKAY!!! singing I got people's attention. I got people's attention I got people's attention doing a happy dance

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or anything related to it...

* * *

It was around midnight the next day, when Haku finally left the haven of the bathroom. Zabuza expected the young girl to still be frightened, which would be very reasonable, given the circumstances.. but Haku came out as if there had been no problem whatsoever.

She smiled when she notice Zabuza staring at her and politely said, "Hello Zabuza sir,"

Zabuza stared blankly at her...still confused, that's when everything changed.

"Why are you staring at me? Is there something about me that disgusts you!? Well I don't give a d-mn what you think about me! Your nothing but some old b-stard!! You don't even care about me!!," Haku burst into tears.

Zabuza was shocked by this sudden outburst, but just as he was about to say something either rude or comforting, he remembered something and became frightened.

'Haku's having a....Oh My God....she's having mood swings...!" Zabuza got up and slowly backed out the room.

"Why are you leaving me?" Haku grasped Zabuza's shirt and fell on her knees, "Please! Please don't leave me!" She began crying against him.

"............" Zabuza kneeled down to hold her, just then,

"So it takes you that long to decide!? I don't even want you near me anymore!! A--hole!!" Haku pulled away, extremely angered.

'...This is too d-mn confusing ...' Zabuza thought.

Over a course of five days, Zabuza had to deal with an assortment of attitudes from Haku... the one that scared him the most, however, was some horny way she acted one day... let's just say, the result was a lot of kitchen repair bills.

6 DAYS LATER

Zabuza couldn't decide whether to make breakfast (to pleased a very pissed Haku) or to let Haku prepare it like she usually did (Else he might hurt the girl's feelings). He never felt this insecure around her.... Well... when she was a he.. but now, the girl was scarier than even the hardest A-class mission he had ever gotten. When the door to her bedroom opened, his body stiffened, awaiting whatever attitude he was going to face next.

"Zabuza sir?"

"Y-Yes Haku." 'Oh sh-t! I stuttered..'

"...What's wrong? Are you hungry? I-I'm sorry for waking so late. I'll make breakfast right away Zabuza sir." Haku quickly muttered as she headed for the kitchen.

Zabuza stared after the girl. 'Did she just?....'

"Haku!"

She quickly made herself visible again. "Yes Zabuza sir?"

"Is...um....you...that girl thing..."

"Oh...My period..." Her face turned several shades of red, "That's over Zabuza sir...."

He suddenly hugged her tightly. "Oh Thank GOD!!"

"Wha-what?"

"Nothing..." He pulled away, "Go make breakfast."

"Y-Yes sir."

Haku left to prepare breakfast as Zabuza breathed in what it felt like to be a free man again, then,

"Zabuza sir!!"

'Just when I thought I had some peace' Zabuza thought as he headed towards the kitchen. When he reached the destination, he saw Haku staring at the rumbled mess that was the kitchen.

"What happened in here?"

"You did." Zabuza coldly replied.

"What do you mean sir? I..I didn't do any thing."

"You mean.. you don't remember when you tried to kill me with the blender?"

"I WHAT?!"

"Or when you almost crushed me with the stove?"

"..........no....n-no sir..."

"You don't remember.... What you did at all?"

"No sir." Haku was on the verge of tears. 'Did I really do all those horrible things to my Zabuza?'

"You don't even remember all those times you cussed me out..?"

"No Zabuza sir!" Her tears spilled over, "I'm so sorry!" Haku ran out the kitchen and to her room.

"Haku!...aw sht" Zabuza went to her door only to find it locked.

"Haku, let me in!"

He waited just a little bit before the crying girl answered the door, only opening it enough so that she could peak at her abused master.

"Look, I'm not pissed at you."

"I don't deserve to be in your presence Zabuza sir.."

"That's beside the point." He said as he forced the door open.

"Eep." Haku stepped back so she wouldn't be hit by the door. Unfortunately, she didn't move back fast enough. The door cracked against the girl's head and she fell back unconscious.

Zabuza only saw her hit the ground hard.

"Haku? Haku?!" He pulled her up and shook her.

20 MINUTES LATER

"uuh.." Haku stirred on her bed.

She sat up and rubbed her head... "Owwa...what..." She turned to see Zabuza sleeping against the bed.

"Zabuza sir?" She shook him awake.

"Huh? Haku... you're alright...that's good." He sighed inwardly. 'I was worried I really hurt him...umm...her...'

Haku wrinkled her nose slightly, still feeling a throbbing pain at her forehead, before she turned her attention to the ceiling.

"Zabuza sir? Where's all that smoke coming from?"

"Smoke?" He looked up.. "Oh yeah.. that's a lot... probably from the kitchen.......OH SHT!" He got up and jetted towards the other room.

The stove had turned an odd shade of red and was shaking violently. The room itself was covered in a thick fog and other appliances were frizzing out as well.

"What's going on?"

"It's going to-"

Every thing went black as they heard a deafening explosion.

* * *

O.O ....ooookay...I don't even know what I just did... Well, leave a good review and I may continue 


	3. Undies

Oh, and about the fixing the gender thing, I love yaoi, okay, I didn't mean I'm changing it because I made him gay! I meant people argue over whether or not the dubbed version will have Haku female...which I hope is not true...this fic is a light-hearted joke on dubbingness, that's it. As far as I'm concerned, I want Haku to remain male! .. don't take it soo seriously........hurt my feelings ;; .. (As of right now, I'm working on yet another Haku and Zabuza yaoi lemon...I love those )

Now, otherwise, YEAH! I'm getting writing sprees!! Oh, and I'm going to address the fact that Haku does need new clothes , Thanks! Also...Even though I might have exaggerated the mood swings...I do know someone who actually gets like that shudders

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto or anything about it

* * *

Haku awoke in a room with only a thin sheet covering her body. She sat up, and felt just a touch of pain on her back side. Slowly, she played back the events she could remember before going unconscious.

"Ow.." 'What happened...the stove got all red...and then...'

A nurse opened the to her room and approached her bed, but before the young woman could speak to Haku.

"Where's Zabuza sir?!"

"Huh?.. Oh yes," She said as she looked through several pages in a notebook, "The man whom was bought in with you...yes, he's in the next room...despite his worse condition, he didn't want to be moved up a floor."

"Oh no...it's all my fault!" She started to cry.

"Huh? Don't worry! He's not all that bad! You can see him if you like."

She was already out the room.

'..Haku.. I hope that he's...she's...alright..'

"Zabuza sir!!" Haku was at his bedside with tears running down her face.

"You cry too easily." 'Dmn, that's the last thing I need to say.'

"You're right Zabuza sir...I'm being weak." She blinked back the tears. 'Not only am I becoming a nuisance to Zabuza...but now I'm becoming weak...If I keep this up...I'll be useless to him..'

The disappointment in her behavior showed in her eyes, even though her face graced a smile.

"I won't continue being weak Zabuza sir."

"..Haku..."

The same nurse came in with a doctor that had a very concerned look on her face.

"Excuse me, Zabuza Momochi...if I am correct?"

"Yeah, that's me. What do you want?"

".. You should be out of the hospital in about a week."

"..That's it? Feh, I already knew that."

"Zabuza sir.." Haku muttered.

"Well," The doctor stepped forward, "I am Dr. Wilson, and I have something very important to talk to you about." She turned around. "Nurse, please close the door."

"Yes Doctor." The nurse quickly shut the door.

Dr. Wilson turned back around.

"Mr. Momochi... I have a very serious question to ask you."

"Go ahead.."

"It's about your...umm," She glanced at Haku, "Just exactly how are you related to him?"

"I....I'm..."

"I'm just her caretaker." Zabuza quickly stated, "We have no relation."

"Oh...so she's like a daughter to you?"

"NO!!" They both quickly replied. Haku was utterly repulsed at the idea of being her Zabuza's daughter.

"You take care of her, yet, she's not a daughter like person to you?"

"No." Zabuza calmly replied on his own.

"Hmm...that's unusually."

"Please Doctor," Haku started, "don't worry about it. It's certainly not a problem for us."

'Definitely not a problem for cold nights.' Zabuza thought and a smirk appeared on his face. (A/N: Use your imagination)

"Well, whatever the case, when she was brought in, we noticed that several things were not as they should be."

"Like?"

"Well...for one thing, your daughter didn't have a bra."

"SHE'S NOT MY DAUGHTER!!"

Haku cheeks turned pink.

"Yes yes, whatever you say, also, she didn't have the correct....undergarments."

"What?"

"I don't have any panties Zabuza sir..."

"So?"

"Mr. Momochi...girls are simply supposed to wear different types of clothing, if you didn't already know that."

"I knew that..."

"Sure you did." Dr. Wilson said sarcastically.

"I'm sorry Doctor.. but it's my own fault... I wasn't exactly in the condition for shopping, and Zabuza sir doesn't know my size. We were going to go soon, but we had this accident."

'Thank God for hi...her fast mind..' Zabuza thankfully thought.

"Even so, wearing boy's clothing is unacceptable for a young lady. It simply hides your figure. And you have such a nice petite one to."

"Umm... thank you." Haku blush returned to her cheeks.

"No problem, it's my job to make sure my patients know everything about their body. But not too much, else, there'd be nothing to pay me for."

Haku giggled. "Yes, that's true."

Zabuza own cheeks reddened a bit at hearing Haku light laughter.

"Nurse."

"Yes Doctor?"

"Give me the bag."

The nurse stepped forward and handed her a small bag.

"In here," Dr. Wilson began, "Are a few pairs of bras and panties for you. They're nothing special, so I suggest as soon as you two are back on your feet again, you should replace them with better fitting ones. Of course, you can do the shopping after you've paid the hospital bill." She chuckled.

"Yes ma'am." Haku agreed.

Zabuza laid in his bed frustrated....this was going to be a long week.

* * *

That was a nice chappie... I'll update as soon as a get a few more reviews

Yes, that doctor is ridiculously nosy and certainly shouldn't pry into that type of business! I just like nosy people in stories!


	4. Bra Shopping

Yes, that doctor did speak Japanese….I figured Zabuza didn't need anymore

complications in his life...and just for the record...in this fic...those two do

know English in this fic. Sorry for the crappy format this is in...I typed it a whileback...

* * *

Next chappie 

It never occurred to Zabuza that Haku's body had…developed.

Haku didn't know how to put a bra on, so Zabuza walked into the room

to help, only to end up gawking at the girl. He knew the some things

internally had changed… but the breasts? He never even thought it

a possibility.

"…umm…Zabuza sir….my face is up here…"

It wasn't as if they were anything impressive… like that

nosy a doctor said, she had a petite body. The were small but

still very shapely… and all Zabuza could do is stare.

"Zabuza sir…?"

She sighed, 'I never thought I'd have to do this.'

Haku's hand slapped Zabuza straight across the face, sending

the man to the ground.

'Opps…maybe that was too hard…'

"Sorry sir….but you were…"

"That's okay… I needed that."

The mall was certainly a very crowded place… and

the fact it was summer didn't help at all. Neither Zabuza nor

Haku liked the crowds, and neither knew exactly where to

go to get the correct "undergarments". Haku leaned over to look

at the little map guide that all malls have saying "You are here ".

"…Dillards….JC penny… they all seem the same

to me…"

"Which one has a longer name?"

"Dillards sir."

"Then we go there."

"Welcome to Dillards." An extremely bored looking salesgirl said,

and she handed them a small order booklet. "We recently have some great

clothing on sale online, so try it some time, okay?"

"Thank you miss." Haku smiled happily as she accepted the small

booklet and began to thumb through until Zabuza took it.

"………" He pocketed the small thing and frowned. "I would've

liked it better if they had told us that before we went to this dmn mall."

Haku agreed, but said nothing back. She approached another

saleswoman and shyly asked. "Miss, could you please tell me where to find the…

umm…" Her face reddened and she mentally scolded herself for not just looking

for it herself.

"Hmm? Oh, I understand." The woman smiled. "You must've just reach

puberty." The woman said while taking in Haku's small size.

'What's with all these nosy-a-personal-question-asking-woman?!'

Zabuza thought.

"Come with me and I'll size you up…now, how old are you?"

"Umm, fifteen going on sixteen…" (A/N: Haku was seventeen when he

died, right?)

"Okay, you obviously don't know much about cup sizes and such…

Where's you mother… she should be here to help you with this."

"…My mother isn't here…but I do have…," She turned around and saw

no one behind her, "…Zabuza sir?"

Outside Dillards

'Oh H-ll no!! I Am NOT going to help her pick out bras!!!!' Zabuza thought

bitterly as he sat outside the store on a bench.

'She's smart, she can do THAT by herself!'

"Zabuza sir?"

'SH-T!'

"What?"

"Could you please help me?"

"No."

"……Yes sir.." Haku quietly trudged back in.

'I am NOT going to feel sorry for her. I am NOT going to feel for her!! I AM

NOT GOING TO FEEL SORRY HER!! I'M NOT!!! I'M NOT! I'M NOT!!!!!!!!!!!'

A minute later

'….Dmn it…'

"Hmm, the woman said I was more of a B-cup..., but I can't seem to find

what number I am…." Haku sighed as she looked through several bras, taking a

little extra time when she noticed a pink one.

Zabuza shuddered. 'God...this is so disturbing!' He grabbed a few.

"If you tried them on instead of staring at them, you'd find your size faster."

"Oh…" Haku's face reddened. "You're right sir." She graciously took them

from Zabuza and walked into a dressing room.

About 5 minutes later

"Zabuza sir?" Haku called from inside the dressing room.

"What?"

"Will you tell me if you think this one fits well?"

'She's doing this on purpose.' Zabuza frowned.

"No."

"Oh…okay sir…"

'Her voice sounded sad…. NO! I Will NOT feel sorry for her! I Won't!! I Won't!!! I WON'T!!!'

A minute later

"It looks fine, can we please just buy a few of the dmn things and leave!"

"Sure! Thank you Zabuza sir!"

About 2 minutes later

After gathering some of the same sizes, she was preparing to leave until she looked at the

woman's clothing department.

'The doctor did say I needed to have something other than boy's clothing…'

"Zabuza sir?"

"What?"

"They're having a half off sale…and I do need some-"

"-No."

"Yes sir…"

'I AM NOT GOING TO FEEL SORRY FOR HER!'

A minute later

"Fine! Just get 5 outfits!"

"Thank you Zabuza sir!!"

Haku happily went through some clothing and stopped when a few things caught her eyes.

"Ahwa! And It's only 12 dollars!!"

"What is?"

"This!" Haku spun around holding a very cute short T-shirt and jean skirt outfit. The shirt was hot pink with a flower sign on it. The skirt seemed a little high above the knee but had a glittering pink stripe.

"Isn't it adorable sir?"

"There is no way in Hll I'm going to buy you that."

"Oh…..yes sir…" She pouted.

'That's that same look she pulled when she wanted that pink kimono. I'm not going to fall for that look again…. There is no way! None whatsoever! I'm not...I'm Not!...I AM NOT!'

A minute later

'God d-mn it….f-ck f-ck f-ck.' Zabuza thought as he paid for that and several other feminine outfits.

* * *

Ha ha I love writing this! Leave me a review please and I'll continue! -giggles over Zabuza's thought pattern- Oh, and she did get some panties…I just didn't feel the need to add that 


	5. Neighbors

-Clapping happily- Last chapter was a success! Time for the next! This one's gonna be more mellow, so deal with me.

Disclaimer: I own nothing considering Naruto!

Haku idled around in the halls, quite bored. She wore one of her new outfits (a light blue blouse, and a (very) short dark gray skirt, long navy blue socks, and black sneakers) though she didn't feel very new. The repair men had half fixed the wall, gas leakage, and piping, and when it was evident, the whole room had been cut off for proper fixing. She had nothing to do since Zabuza decided to go on a walk, and was extremely lonely. At the moment, though, the boy next door opened his door. He looked down and saw Haku leaning against her door and caught her eye for a moment before she blushed and looked away.

"Hi."

"Hello.."

"So you're the new Asian girl who caused all the damage…"

"….sorry.."

"That's okay!" The brown-haired boy smiled. "It's nice to meetcha!"

"………"

He got in front of her so he could clearly see her face, which was as red as an apple. His short light brown hair swayed above his hazel eyes, and he had a very mischievous grin. He appeared to be around Haku's age and any normal girl would've thought he was kind of cute… of course, Haku isn't a normal girl.

"My name's Alex, what's yours?"

"….Haku"

"Haku… you wanna come over?"

"No, I couldn't…. I'd have to ask Zabuza sir…"

"Who's that? Your dad? That's a weird thing to call him…"

"He not my father…. he's my caretaker." Haku quickly replied remembering Zabuza's statement at the hospital.

"Even so… what's with the 'sir' at the end…shouldn't you call him Mr. Zabuza?"

"It…just kind of feels right… to add something at the end…"

"Oh yeah! You Asian people say all those suffixes…"

'You Asian people…that sounded racist…' She frowned lightly. "Why must you say things like that?"

"Like what?"

"Like 'you Asian people'…that's insulting."

"Huh? Sorry! No offense intended!"

"…I suppose…" She slumped against the door silently wishing for Zabuza to some back.

"Umm…so what music groups do you like?"

"…I've kind of never bothered with that kind of stuff.."

"Oh….well.."

Just then, Alex's mother came out of the house a grabbed her son by the back of his shirt.

"Come on son!" The mother frantically fussed. "You know the Asian folks around here are in those.." She stopped and glared at Haku before whispering in her sons ear, "..syndicates! If you stay out here with her company, you'll have the whole gangs after you!"

And with that, she yanked her teen in the house.

"………syndicate?…" Haku could easily hear the woman's harsh whisper.

'I wonder if that has anything to do with the territory stuff that Zabuza sir told me before this mission…' She thought.

Then, Zabuza came from the stairs and looked at the serious look on Haku's face.

"What's with you?"

"Oh!" Haku immediately turned around and shook off the startle that Zabuza just gave her.

"…" Her look grew semi serious again. "I think we should talk about it behind close doors…at the moment…we don't even have-"

Then, at the other door, another woman came out. Unlike the heavy fussy woman that had come out to drag her son in, this woman was pleasantly thin, though not very shaped, and had dark brown hair tied back. Her thin face showed a mighty grin and chirped,

"Hi ya! How ya doing neighbor!"

"Fine, what do you want?" Zabuza snorted.

"well…I'm not really one for gossip, but a good doctor friend of mine told me she had some interesting patients, and it struck me funny that the description she gave me reminded me of you two!"

"Description?" Haku thought about Dr. Wilson… "Can't she lose her license for stuff like that..?"

"Oh no! It wasn't that in depth! Rita never tells too much. Looks like I was right about my guess… hee hee, and it looks like you guys ain't got a roof over your heads."

"So? It's only temporally." Zabuza almost glared, but that little glare didn't stop the lady from finishing her thoughts.

"So me and my husband decided to let you stay with us!"

"………………"

Before Zabuza could say anything that could get him arrested, Haku quickly stated,

"Thank you so much for the offer miss, but I don't think that Zabuza sir would be very comfortable in such a circumstance… I…We appreciate your concern, but I think we can find other arrangements."

"Oh come on." The lady pressed, "It wouldn't be too much! Really! Us neighbors need to stick together! I insist!" And with that, Zabuza and Haku were practically dragged in by the energetic lady.

The complete repairs lasted four weeks and they soon got to know Missy Wilson very well. Her husband was always on business trips so he was never seen by Haku or Zabuza. Much to Zabuza disgust, because Missy was so lonely, she was unbelievably nosy . Zabuza absolutely HATED staying like this, but Haku's constant begging at night made him comply. She knew every measure of Haku's body and gave the girl beauty tips everyday. Once, she even gave her a make over even though the only effect was Haku locking herself in the bathroom and refusing to come out.

Luckily (Since Zabuza's patience was wearing thin), the four weeks ended and they were about to leave and go back next door when,

"Hey… where ya going?"

"Back home." Zabuza glared.

"Okay." She grinned very large again, "but can you come back over around 6 O' clock? I got something for you two."

"Sure Missy." Haku said before Zabuza could reject the kind offer.

back in their own apartment, finally

"….Why the Hell did you say yes?"

Haku moved back as if she was going to be hit. "I'm so sorry if you didn't want to Zabuza sir.", the young girl's face looked down sadly. "I just believed that if we wanted to do this mission well, we shouldn't have to be worrying about neighbors that are a little peeved. That would distract us from our objective…"

'D-mn it! Why does she always have to be so right!?'

"Fine….we'll go…but don't expect me to be smiling."

"Yes sir…I'm so sorry sir." Haku talked quietly, mentally beating the H-ll out of herself.

-That night-

Missy's house had several people from in the overall apartment. The was plenty of food all around and Missy happily announced,

"This is our welcome to this building! Enjoy!"

'A big a party...just what I needed.' Zabuza sighed heavily.

Haku smiled politely and let herself and Zabuza be introduced to several of her new neighbors.

Was that good? I really hope it was . As always, if you review, I'll try my hardest to update faster…but I can't help but think I might've done something wrong in this chapter…..


	6. Licking, Jealousy, VH1, and Doggies

I KNOW this chapter's gonna be good! It's my longest one!

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto or anything in it

* * *

"….."

"Go ahead, try it."

"….it looks…weird Alex.."

"Just give it a lick."

"Are you sure…Zabuza sir could get angry.."

"Haku…you can take it or not."

"…Put it in my mouth like this?"

"Yes….there you go.."

Haku ate her first lifesavers fusions candy. (A/N: YOU DIRTY MINDED PERSON!)

* * *

Zabuza had gotten a job. It wasn't homicidal. And it wasn't boring either. Still, he refused to tell Haku what it was; so before the girl could feel emotionally shunned, Zabuza had done something he never had before. He gave Haku an allowance.

Now the poor girl had no idea how to handle spending money. She had never had a considerable amount before (A/N: 25 bucks), nor had it been for anything...well…selfish. She was always sure that if she had anything, it would be offered to Zabuza. Never had she guessed for something like this to happen. Before Haku could question the act, Zabuza shoved her out the house and told her to do something.

And so now, Haku stood in front of the door, completely and utterly clueless. And who can resist such a cute look from Haku? Alex can't. He poked his head out the door and looked at her. She just stood there staring at the money in her hand.

"Haku?"

"………………"

"Haku!"

"………."

"HAKU!"

"EEK!" She jumped back defensively, but dropped her stance when she saw who it was. "Oi…hello Alex…"

"Hi!" He walked out and smiled, "Whatcha doin'?"

"…Nothing." She stared down again.

"Then why all the mellowness?"

"…Zabuza sir gave me…allowance, but I don't know what I want to do.."

Alex pondered for a minute, taking in Haku's appearance again. Today, she wore the first outfit she coaxed Zabuza into buying for her at Dillards.

'She's so cute…maybe…'

"Haku… you wanna go somewhere with me?"

She turned around and looked at him puzzled for one moment before giggling politely. "Where would I go…and what would we do… I don't know this city…"

"But I do! We could go to the arcade! Or even roller-skating!"

"Roller-skating? Arcade? What are those?"

"I'll show ya!" He grabbed Haku's hand and was about to lead her outside until,

"Haku!"

Haku instinctively pulled away, "Yes Zabuza sir?" She quickly responded, opening the door.

Zabuza walked out, "If you want something to do.." He handed her a large garbage bag, "You can go to the Laundromat and…..who's that." Zabuza glared at Alex.

"This is Alex. He lives next door."

"umm…hi Mr. Zabuza."

Zabuza sneered at him. "Whatever." He turned back to Haku and dumped the bag in her hands. "Handle it."

"Yes sir."

"I'll come with you." Alex smiled.

Zabuza could've strangled the boy. 'Whoever he is, he's was warming up to Haku too much. Not that I'm jealous… he's just some brat…'

"Zabuza sir?"

"Huh?"

She tip-toed just so she could whisper in his ear, "Please don't be jealous."

"WHAT? HAKU! GET IN THIS HOUSE RIGHT NOW!"

"Y-Y-Yes s-sir!" She quickly ran in as Zabuza slammed the door behind them.

"?" Alex stared.

"Where the Hll do you get off calling me jealous!"

"………"

"WELL!"

"I..I just…you looked….it was…"

"…Go wash the dishes."

"Yes sir."

Haku went in the kitchen and put all the dishes in the dishwasher.

"Zabuza sir." She called from the kitchen.

"What?"

"You were jealous….it was written all over your face."

Zabuza got up and walked straight up to Haku until she was standing right over her.

"What did you just say."

Haku gulped back all her meekness. "You were jealous…of Alex."

"And why would I be jealous of that brat?"

"…Because."

"Because what?"

"Because…He's a boy and he's younger than you."

Zabuza face became red with anger, "Haku…you better shut up right now."

"You have nothing to be jealous of…"

"Really?"

"Yes…you're beautiful and all I'd ever want."

"….I was being sarcastic."

"I wasn't. I love you."

"Haku…"

"Yes?"

"You just shut the dishwashing door with your hand in it."

"Wha?" She looked, sure enough, scolding hot began to make contact with her hand that somehow got stuck in there.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

"D-mn it!" Zabuza tried to pull the girl out, and he did. But doing so ripped the washer's door. The water flew into one of the outlet plugs. That sparked up, causing a fire to spread around the kitchen counter. The fire went into the cabinets, striking some vegetable oil. Before the kitchen exploded, both of them quickly ran out the house, falling directly on Alex. They stayed down and yet another deafening explosion was heard in that apartment in only 2 months time.

"…" Alex stared at the place where a wall used to be.

* * *

"It's all my fault." Haku murmured quietly.

"That's fine…I'm sure it was an accident."

"But Alex…I…The building… it's unlivable again. "

"That's fine! Really! Let's just watch TV."

"Are you sure your uncle won't mind?"

"Watching TV is _his whole _life! Of course he won't mind."

Sure enough, Zabuza was making a call at Alex's uncle's house. Being about three blocks away seemed to help, because the entire other area was blacked-out. Haku sat beside Alex on the couch as she waited for whatever Zabuza was calling for.

"You like VH1?"

"What's a VH1?"

"Music videos…"

Haku watched it for while, though she asked questions every five minutes.

"What's a Marron 5?"

"A group."

"Why are they making out on TV...shouldn't that be behind closed doors."

"That's his girlfriend."

"And?"

"..Haku.."

"Hmm?"

"You think too much."

"Is that just part of this video?"

"Yes."

"Why can't he say that in her face."

"..I dunno."

"Well…I'd be mad if someone taped me making out with my lover while he talked about me in a song."

Alex just turned around a looked at her.

"…I don't think that'll ever happen.."

"Probably not…I still feel sorry for that girl."

"HAKU!" Zabuza yelled from the other room. "JUST SHUT UP!"

"..yes sir.."

"…Why does he scream so much?"

"…Because I'm too stupid not to notice when I'm acting pathetic."

"….That's mentally abusive, you know.."

"No...Zabuza sir would never abuse me…it's just that…. when you do something wrong, I'm sure somebody whips you or something… Zabuza sir screams at me."

Alex sweatdropped and cleared his throat.

"I think that's a little off."

"Alex.."

"Hmm?"

"You think too much." Haku smiled.

* * *

Haku and Zabuza walked to the doctor's office to get her hand looked at, but all the while they walked, Haku sang.

"This love has taken its toll on me! She said goodbye, too many times before! Her heart is breaking in front of me! And I have no choice, cuz I won't say goodbye anymore!"

Zabuza twitched once. Twitched twice. Twitched thrice.

"D-MMIT! SHUT THE HLL UP!"

"………………."

"Why hello again." Dr. Wilson chirped. "I see your relationship hasn't gotten any better."

"…Hello…" Zabuza frown. 'Dmn dmn dmn! Not her again!"

"You haven't even taken my advice on clothing, I'm hurt."

"Huh?" Haku looked at herself. Today, she wore a long shirt and tight jeans. "…They're girls clothing, aren't they?"

"Yes, but they still don't show off that cute figure."

"She doesn't need to." Zabuza bluntly stated.

"Quite contrary Mr. Momochi. A girl's appearance has a lot to do with her personality."

A dog walked up to Zabuza and peed on him.

"…….." Zabuza face became so scrunched up.

"You peed on my Zabuza sir!" Haku began to chase the dog down the street.

"Umm…what are you two here for?" Dr. Wilson asked.

"GO TO H-LL," Haku screamed from down the street at the poor frightened animal, "YOU GO TO H-LL AND YOU DIE!"

"Let's go inside and you can examine Haku whenever she calms down." Zabuza actually politely suggested, deciding he didn't want to be in public as Haku beat an animal in an alley.

* * *

You remember how Haku broke Gatou's arm when he almost touched Zabuza? It makes you wonder what he'd/(She'd) do if something actually did violate him, doesn't it? Review please . I'll update when I can… .I didn't' get to the point that I wanted to in this chapter, so I got an idea just waiting to be added! 


	7. Ice Cream

Thank you so much for the encouraging review! I'm glad you guys like it; and no, it's not rude at all to ask when the next chapter will be...but I can't give an answer...I'm pretty random...but it'll be soon!

Another chapter of American Haku coming up! was inspired in Health class

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or anything related to it.

* * *

"Ice cream?"

"Yeah…. I had it once. This man came by in a truck and me and Alex bought some."

Zabuza twitched. There it was again. That 'me and Alex' She started to say so often. He swore it drove him crazy. 'Me and Alex this and me and Alex that!' If he wasn't supposed to be simply observing the area, he'd kill that brat. Oh yeah, he'd murder that little snot. And he still told himself he wasn't jealous. He felt he just wanted to kill the kid because he spent too much time with Haku. That wasn't jealousy, that was just….umm….

'What the Hll is that.' He thought deeply.

"It's really cold and it melts in your mouth. But you can't eat it too fast or it'll hurt your head. It's really sweet and…..Zabuza sir?"

"……………………….."

"..Zabuza sir?"

"Huh? What?"

"…nothing." '…I must really be annoying him for him to ignore me like that, I should just keep my mouth shut.' She thought guiltily.

'God I hate shopping.' Zabuza thought as he remembered where he was. He grabbed some random favor of ice cream. 'I think she was talking about that…'

'He _was_ listening to me…' She thought.

"Zabuza sir?"

"What?"

"You like…Chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream?"

"I couldn't care less…"

"Oh…" 'So that was random…thank God he didn't grab mint…. yuck…'

Zabuza tossed the pint of ice cream in the basket and got ready to get into the line. Just then, they heard a woman call their names.

"Nani?" Zabuza thought aloud. Missy ran over to them.

"Hello! How're you two doing!"

"Hello Missy." Haku smiled politely.

"Hn." Zabuza frowned.

"Don't you worry about me hanging around too long." She grinned at Zabuza. "I just came here to give your daughter something."

"She's not my daughter." Zabuza said firmly, but Missy ignored him completely. She pushed a small pink book in her hands.

"'member when I told ya I'd give some more tips on being a young girl?"

"Yes ma'am."

Missy smirked. 'That's one thing I like about that girl. So polite.' "Well, you should read that book! it'll come in handy! 'k darling?"

"Okay." Haku beamed warmly. She accepted the book and received a see-you-later hug from Missy before they got ready to leave the store.

* * *

((poke poke)) ((flip the page)) ((read)) ((poke poke)) ((flip the page)) ((read)) ((poke poke)) ((flip the page)) ((read)) ((poke poke)) ((flip the page)) ((read)) ((poke poke)) ((flip the page)) ((read)) ((poke poke)) ((flip the page)) ((read)) ((poke poke)) ((poke poke poke))

Zabuza watched wearily as Haku repeated this pattern over and over. First, she'd read that book that annoying a Missy gave her; then, she'd poke her breast; and finally, she'd flip the page and do it all over again….. It bugged the H-ll out of Zabuza.

"What the f-ck are you doing?" He finally put down his newspaper, unable to concentrate on looking for strange occasions. He glared at her from the couch.

She peaked up from behind the book, shifting her weight on her spot beside the couch. "I'm checking for bumps."

"Why?"

"Because, you never know if you could have breast cancer unless you check." She stood up and stretched. "Also… I should go to the doctor… I mean, if you'd take me…. for a Pap smear…" She blushed heavily. "I am sexually active…"

"I've never touched you as a…um.."

"As a female? I know sir; it's just… when I was a boy…. you know…. I should still check if I have something cervical infection or something…"

'Okay, too much information.' Zabuza thought.

"You know…" Haku walked over to where Zabuza sat on the couch. "You should check yourself to Zabuza sir." She poked him 'there' (A/N:P)

"Quit that!" Zabuza blushed furiously.

"Sorry sir… but you really should." She fondled his 'area' (A/N:P).

"Haku!"

"Sir?" She held him firmly.

"G-go make dinner or something!"

"…Yes…sir." She let him go, smirking as she went into the kitchen and said, "But you _really_ should."

* * *

They ate dinner (A/N: chicken and rice) in silence. Haku stole several glances at Zabuza, but whenever her gaze was caught, she quickly turned back to her food, blushing.

After dinner, Zabuza tossed Haku a spoon, but since her attention was else where, the spoon hit her in the head before she caught it.

"Zabuza sir?" she asked, looking at him questioning.

"I bought you ice cream, remember? Aren't you going to eat it?"

"Oh! Yes sir." She nodded, opening the freezer and reaching into it. Seeing that Zabuza had sat back on the couch, she immediately sat beside him with her pint of chocolate chip cookie dough. She allowed herself to snuggle against him shyly as she opened her treat.

"Thank you…Zabuza sir." Haku smiled at him.

'Arigato would've been better.' he thought. Openly, though, he only snorted and picked up the newspaper again. Haku watched him curiously and asked,

"Zabuza sir?"

"What?"

"You've been on the front page all day…"

"……..I'm still working on my English, ok!"

"Oh…"

"Will you _please _eat your God d-mn ice cream." He snapped.

"…Sorry…" Haku dug the spoon in. Zabuza looked down and saw the clear melancholy look on her face. He put one arm on her shoulder and made her face him.

"Haku."

"Sir." She placed a small spoon of ice cream in her mouth.

He gave a rare serene smile to her. "Lemme get a taste of that." He leaned forward and kissed her cool lips. He enjoyed the flavor, pushing her back as he advanced on her.

* * *

This is the first time Zabuza sir's approached me like this since we've gotten here! Not to say I don't enjoy it, I already have my back to the couch as he begins to caress my body. I… am enjoying this… I just feel… a little awkward.

….So that's what those feel like when someone….

* * *

Haku's loud moans and screams could be heard outside on the street, not that either of them cared. Zabuza had put Haku in a new world of ecstasy as she felt parts of herself she never even imagined.

2 hours later

Haku's shorts and Zabuza's pants had been thrown onto the floor, making what had just happened between them waaay too obvious. Zabuza lied onto of Haku on the couch, resting in her arms. They faded into sleep. Whatever the next day had in store for them, they would see it when it came. Right now, all they needed was each other's embrace.

* * *

I wrote a lime! I wrote a lime! I never thought I could be so vague! But I did it! I wrote a lime! runs around happily YEAH! YAHOO! jumping up and down Please leave me a review! Tell me whatcha thought of my first lime!

wonders if the ice cream melted-- ………..

Ya know…. if somebody does want me to write a little side story in which I give all the details… I will


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